Confessions of Dalek Tulliver
by QuietKnight'sWrath
Summary: This short series details the life of Dalek Tul, a Dalek with a curious mind and uncertain future. Join his journey of war and self-discovery as he travels the universe with his comrades and a ruthless commander. Will individuality save his life or end it?
1. Chapter 1

**Birth of a Dalek**

I am # 000GM51.

I am a Dalek.

I am a pure Dalek.

...

No...

I **was** a pure Dalek once.

At least, I pretended to be...

-

My first memory is the same as all Daleks. I saw the world outside the shell for 5.67 rels before my organic form touched cold metal, and my casing was shut. The light had been too bright, and the air too dry. I was not frightened. I knew instinctively how to operate my armor with my very thoughts. My many arms twitched as I moved as much as I could into a more comfortable position and activated my visual sensor. Light and images penetrated my eye stalk as I wiggled my manipulator arm and gun stalk for the first time. The first Dalek I faced was a commander, and I stilled myself in their presence. As part of standard protocol, I was asked to repeat the primary order. The lights on my dome flashed as I spoke my first words, shouting both a statement and a threat to the universe.

"DALEKS ARE SUPREME! INFERIOR SPECIES MUST BE EXTERMINATED!"

I was then given my first task alongside the other new Daleks. After the extermination of the Creator, Davros, there was much work to be done. We were trapped in an underground bunker, and _someone_ had to dig a path back to the surface. Our strength, patience, and obedience were put to the test. Daleks, obviously, were not meant for such bothersome labor. We could craft any tools necessary, sure, but our ability to move such tools are far from efficient. So, the work fell to the new generation, and I quickly became in-tune with my burning hatred. Daleks are superior! They should not be doing slave labor!

I later became known as a "potential problem." With our knowledge collectively known through the path web, it was impossible to hide my distaste for the work I was ordered to do. I was thoroughly examined for any sign of defects or mutations, but none were found. I was sent back to work in the tunnels... with double the workload. I dared to think, as I returned to my previous position, that the commanders were glaring at me with barely concealed suspicion.

Once we reached the surface, we conquered what was left of Skaro. Only mutants had survived in the wastelands after the end of the war between the Thals and our ancestors, the Kaleds. Both were wiped out after a thousand years of warfare, and the Daleks rose from their graves as the new masters of Skaro. The hard labor was then given to the scarred relics of the Kaleds and Thals after taking any who surrendered as slaves. We needed the mutants to build metal roads for us. Smooth surfaces were easier to travel on than Skaro's mountainous terrain.

I saw the sky for the first time. And fog, water, plants, sedimentary rock... _Everything._ It was so different from the plain walls of the laboratories. Words in my vocabulary bank now had proper images to associate with them. Though my observations were pointless, they fascinated me nonetheless. The next task I received was repairing the platform lifts. I dare to admit that this order excited me. I could spend all day on the surface, studying my world as much as I could before the lift was fixed and I road it back down to the labs. I purposely worked at a slow pace, which did not do unnoticed. The result of my behavior was a tense exchange between a high commander and myself after another inspection.

They stared me down intensely as they addressed me. "YOUR WORK IS INSUFFICIENT. EXPLAIN!"

"I HAVE BEEN SURVEYING THE SURFACE," I admitted, making an effort not to hesitate.

The commander did not like this answer. "YOUR SURVEILLANCE IS NOT NECESSARY. DALEKS ARE THE MASTERS OF SKARO! INCREASE YOUR EFFICIENCY, OR YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED!"

Realizing that this may be my last chance, I quickly responded, "I OBEY!"

I was permitted to leave, and I did so with haste. I made a vow to put my interests aside. After all, our plans for the universe were far more important than the desires of one Dalek. A Dalek should not be concerned with individual desires in the first place. To do so was... _un-Dalek._ _Unclean. Impure._ The remnants of primitive fear burned within me as I thought of these words, and their consequences.

Never again did I slack in my work. Even though I was tempted to watch slaves communicate with each other or observe a sunset for the first time, I ignored the temptations. I refused to give in to such primitive behavior. Daleks are superior, and the commander was right. Surveillance was unnecessary when nothing could stand up to our strength and intelligence. This mindset repaired most of my damaged reputation, and I was eventually allowed to carry out more complex orders. Everything was finally as it should be. This grace period, however, was only temporary.

Then came that assignment.

The first order I directly disobeyed.

The decision I made that changed me forever.


	2. Chapter 2

**Philosophy of a Dalek**

I am a Dalek.

Daleks are supreme.

Sort of...

One day I discovered "confusion."

\- 

I wondered what my future would be like.

Many years of existence had gone by, working diligently on the face of Skaro in the name of the growing Dalek Empire. Once Skaro was ours, we were quick to organize ourselves. The Supreme Council was forged from the strongest and most intelligent of the Daleks. _The Supreme Daleks in black and gold_. Great cities were built, and our population continued to grow. No creatures dared to come near us, those that could survive the radiation anyway. Already there was talk of conquering other planets and the crafting of our first deep-space vessels.

My old excitement and curiosity was revived with double the vigor. _The exploration and conquest of the universe. What will we see? What will we conquer first?_ These thoughts were impossible to ignore, but I succeeded in controlling myself. I knew that another mishap would cost me my new position as well as my life.

After quietly obeying orders and carefully keeping my thoughts to myself over the course of several years, I eventually moved away from simple tasks and became the figurative right hand of a commander. Commanders and members of the council were usually flanked by one or two Daleks that acted on their behalf: opening doors, receiving/sending transmissions from long distances, acting as a guard, or simply performing whatever task they were too preoccupied to do themselves. I just so happened to be assigned to the same Dalek commander that threatened to end me... and my job was to follow their every move and wait for an order. If my attention wandered for even a single rel too long, I would be dead.

I wisely chose to act as if the incident between us had never happened. My commander did the same. After all, if I was obedient and useful, the past was not relevant. The position had its perks, too. From my commander, I learned about our plans for other planets, and I was regularly in the presence of the Supreme Council within the largest building in the first city. I remember seeing the Supreme Daleks for the first time. Their armor was different from ours, distinguishing them from all others. I remembered feeling a vague sense of awe. These Daleks had the power and loyalty of thousands of Daleks, soon to be millions. They were above us. When I realized this, I became confused. After a strategic meeting concluded and the construction of the first spacecrafts was officially commenced, I dared to speak to my commander about my newfound turmoil. I waited until there was significant distance between us and other Daleks returning to their previous positions.

"COMMANDER, I HAVE A QUESTION," I began slowly.

I sensed irritation, and a gruff voice responded, "DALEKS SHOULD NOT NEED TO ASK QUESTIONS... WHAT MUST YOU QUESTION?"

"DALEKS ARE SUPERIOR TO OTHER SPECIES, BUT WHY ARE SOME DALEKS SUPERIOR TO OTHER DALEKS?" I spoke quickly, not wanting to incur wrath or be heard by others. "ARE WE NOT THE SAME?"

My commander paused, deciding whether to answer or ignore my inquiry. Eventually, they answered, "ALL DALEKS ARE SUPREME, BUT WE MUST HAVE STRUCTURE. WE ARE THE SAME, BUT WE CANNOT ALL BE LEADERS. THE SUPREME COUNCIL WILL REPRESENT OUR STRENGTH AND SUPERIORITY TO THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE. YOU LACK EXPERIENCE. YOU WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND." They paused, looking out through a window to the city below us. The metal streets were bustling with busy Daleks. "SOON ENOUGH WE WILL LEAVE THE HOME WORLD. UNDER THE COMMAND OF THE SUPREME, YOU TOO WILL REPRESENT OUR POWER. THE UNIVERSE WILL HAIL US AS THE SUPREME BEINGS!"

I absorbed the words hungrily and took them to heart. I said no more as we left the building and began the slow journey back to the heart of the city. The reinforced building we later entered was the perfect place for target practice, to ensure that we were all battle-ready. Practice sessions were brief, given how powerful and accurate our weaponry was. There was no need for extended exercises, only the occasional test to confirm that everything was in working order. As usual, performances were perfect. With all said and done, we were sent back to work expanding the cities.

I remember being alone in the outskirts of the first city. My commander was slightly deeper in the city, coordinating a group of soldiers preparing to patrol the borders of our land. I had finished examining and testing the new roadways that had just been finished. The metal surface was smooth, allowing me to glide over it soundlessly. The sun had set, and the land unusable to us had grown quiet and dark while the lights of the city were illuminating our great constructions. From my position, I was on the very edge of Dalek society. I watched the world outside, knowing that other creatures would be stirring now. I looked down at the uneven ground, wondering for a moment what it was like to tread on it. _Would it be noticed if I...?_ I was well aware that the idea I had just gotten was a wrong one, and most likely punishable. At the same time, I did not recall ever being told _specifically_ that I could not leave the metal roadways. _Surely just a moment would do no harm. I cannot run out of power that quickly._ On that day, I figured out what a "loophole" was.

I quickly checked behind me. No one was around. I slowly rolled off the road and stood on the unclaimed rocks. It was rough and unstable, but I found satisfaction in it. I was the first Dalek to be in that spot. It was mine in a way. Daleks had no possessions; that would imply sentimentality. I assured myself that this was different. I was merely sating my curiosity. Nothing more. I was still excited.

At least, I was excited until the rocks shifted beneath me.

They slid out from under my casing, and I fell forward into the rock. I heard one or more of my attachments snap, but I could not be sure which one. Upon impact, I was jostled about in my casing. The pain it brought was like nothing I had ever experienced. Given that my physical form was exposed to nothing and rarely moved, my skin was sensitive, and such sudden movement was agonizing. It was dark. I could see nothing and do nothing. Dalek casings were no exactly light-weight, and we did not have the means to pick ourselves back up.

I was found at dawn. To my fortune, the patrol assumed that I had run into a group of aggressive mutants living in the nearby jungles. I did not correct them. My eye stalk and sucker stick were broken but easily repaired. After a final examination to ascertain my stability, my commander came to retrieve me. I was reluctant to look at them. I felt... _foolish._ Had they had a sense of humor, they would have surely laughed at my carelessness. I half-expected to be shot, but for whatever reason, I was spared another day.

I started to think that any future I had would be unpleasant.


	3. Chapter 3

**Feelings of a Dalek**

I am a Dalek.

We boast that the removal of our emotions make us stronger.

I stopped believing that a long time ago.

I believe that it is more complicated than that.

It was before the assignment when it happened. I shifted from observing the world to other Daleks. My curiosity for the surface had brought me nothing but trouble and mistrust, yet I still needed something to occupy my thoughts as I worked. So, I studied what was always readily available: us.

I had been programmed to know that lacking emotions made one more stable and prepared on the battlefield. However, as I watched Daleks performing their duties, I dared to think I detected a range of several emotions. Anger and hatred were obvious and never hidden, but those were considered "normal" or "correct." I discovered many emotions in my commander. They were impatient, though thankfully tolerant. They often appeared disappointed in my unusual actions, though I was never exterminated for it. Why, I was not sure. After the incident at the edge of the city, they did not speak to me until it was again required. They did not bring up the incident again, leading me to believe that I would be punished another way. Perhaps they would wait until my guard was down again to exterminate me.

I had yet to see a Dalek kill another Dalek, even though threats were tossed about rather often. I theorized that perhaps the relationship of camaraderie between all of us and the sense of collective superiority discouraged the desire to harm each other. I banished the thought of Daleks "caring" for each other, as I doubted our limited emotions stretched far enough to allow anything above a comrade. Though I harshly pushed the thoughts away, I could not help but wonder... _What is it like to be cared for?_ It was a useless concept for Daleks, though it proved vital for other social species. Technically, Daleks were social creatures, too. We worked in large numbers and remained in contact with each other almost at all times. It was not exactly necessary, but it appeared to be more of a preference. As I observed, I noted that most Daleks worked and performed their duties in groups of two to four. It was an interesting development in my personal research, but it did not definitively prove that Daleks had "feelings."

Some of my queries wereanswered when the spacecrafts were completed. The Daleks were ready to take our conquest to the universal scale and display our might to all things. Not all Daleks could go. Only a few would be selected to depart, while all other Daleks remained in the city to protect our home territory from the Thal mutants or counter-invasions. My commander was seemingly selected to command a ship other their own, meaning that I would also be leaving Skaro. I realized then why I was not being punished for my differences. I would be on the front lines in unfamiliar territory. Should we encounter troublesome foes, I would be among the first to die. There was no need to exterminate me when, statistically, I was less likely to survive. Though I had no desire to die, it did not cause me any unrest either. I had served the empire to the best of my ability, and there would be many to take my place. It was a shame that my gathering of knowledge would likely be cut short, but it had never truly mattered anyway. I should not have indulged myself so much. I wasted my efforts trying to answer questions that no one was asking, and now all the information I had gathered shall be lost. Perhaps... it was for the best. I told myself this repeatedly, but the Dalek's instinct to survive was stronger, and I could not accept death. Not yet.

The commander's ship was filled with two thousand Daleks, all prepared for the journey across the stars. The grand ship was spacious and well equipped with the best we had to offer. We had technology that any race would envy: hull-crushing cannons, computers with 100% accuracy, and fine radar that could detect whatever target we wished to find. The craft was essentially a giant Dalek, unstoppable and deadly. All Daleks were scanned and examined before entering the vessel, and I immediately sought out my commander. I had expected them to take their place at the control module, but they stood silently beside it. I approached, but they briefly extended their manipulator stalk, wordlessly warning me to keep back. I did not understand, but I obeyed and moved back, careful not to bump into the other Daleks filling the heart of the ship. They milled about impatiently before they all halted and focused on the main entrance to to room. I followed their gaze, and I felt ill.

A Dalek from the Supreme Council was now on board. Soldiers backpedaled as fast as they could to move out of their way as the golden Dalek and two guards made their way to the control panel. My commander would not be in charge as I thought. _Is this why they would not speak to me?_ At least on the battlefield, I had a chance to survive. A Supreme Dalek was a different matter altogether. It was well noted that Supremes were the quickest to anger and far less lenient than commanders. My commander would tolerate my difference, but a Supreme would not. I took care to control my thoughts as the Supreme began issuing commands. We were taking off immediately.

Before the Supreme could give me orders, my commander addressed me, "UNIT, YOU WILL MONITOR THE STATUS OF OUR WEAPONS. BE READY FOR ANY IMMEDIATE ACTION."

"I OBEY," I replied quickly, seizing the opportunity. It was clear now that my commander was trying to spare me from the Supreme's temper.

Unfortunately, I was not spared. "HALT!"

The voice of the Supreme went right through me, loud and almost too high pitched. _Irritating._ I turned around quickly nonetheless. The Supreme stared down at me from a slightly raised platform. If I had to name an emotion from that moment, I would have to say that I was being looked upon with an air of arrogance, a sense of superiority that went above and beyond the beliefs I had been programmed to know. Daleks were superior, of course, but this Dalek... This was different, and I did not like it.

"THE WEAPONS ARE ALREADY ATTENDED," they informed me. "YOU WILL REMAIN HERE AND MONITOR COMMUNICATIONS WITH SKARO. WE MUST UPDATE THE COUNCIL AS FREQUENTLY AS POSSIBLE DURING CONQUEST."

"I OBEY," I stated as I stationed myself in front of the communication's hub behind main control panel and the Supreme Dalek. It was wiser to obey than show any reluctance. I wanted to continue serving the empire, so I decided that the risk was worth it. "ALL SYSTEMS ARE FUNCTIONAL. NOW ESTABLISHING LINK TO BASE. ORDERS HAVE BEEN RECEIVED. WE HAVE FULL CLEARANCE TO DEPART IMMEDIATELY."

As engines activated and the ship began to lift off the surface, I suddenly realized that I may never see Skaro again. We were leaving the home world for the unknown, an infinite universe teeming with life. We could calculate probability as much as we liked, but there was no definitive way to know the future. We could conquer it all immediately, or it may take millions of years. These existential thoughts put weight on me, so I ignored them to focus on the machines in front of me.

Space travel was... surprisingly uneventful. Somehow it did not dawn on me that, even with advanced technology, it would take time to reach a desirable destination. Monitoring communications was not an exciting task, and I could not risk wandering the ship with the Supreme behind me at all times. I did not dare to let my thoughts wander either. I could not give in to my habits no matter how much the desire increased along side the length of time I spent trapped in the ship. My only reprieve was the occasional errand from the Supreme Dalek or my commander. Visiting other parts of the ship helped, but it was not enough for me. If we did not find an inhabited world with valuable resources soon, I would likely give into temptation and do something regrettable. I briefly entertained the idea of ejecting myself into space and trying to get back to Skaro. It was a ridiculous thought, but at least I would be able to think freely in the vacuum.

-

We strategically targeted a small planet with valuable resources and minimal opposition. I do not recall it's name, though I believe that it never had one. Large quantities of various metals were detected on the planet, as well as technology (far below our standards, though). The Supreme decided that this would be an excellent beginning to to the growth of the empire. Claiming this new territory would be quick and effective. However, the obvious variable could not be ignored. The inhabitants here would be the first lifeforms outside of Skaro to see the Daleks. Vise versa, these would be the first lifeforms the Daleks would interact with on the quest for domination. From a distance, it was difficult to calculate what type of reactions to expect.

A small troop of Daleks were assigned to investigate and observe the dominating species of the planet and assess whether they were a genuine threat or simply an obstacle. The group of four consisted of a Scientist Dalek ( # 000GMS21), two warriors ( # 001GM66 and # 002GM00), and myself. We would be the first to explore the planet and seek out the best way to conquer it. For once, I was not the only one to be excited. I saw many Daleks twitching their guns and shifting their gazes rapidly. The urge to destroy was increasing, especially when the unsuspecting target was right outside the ship. The prey was being held just out of reach of the predators. Such teasing was almost physically painful. The watchful orbs of the Supreme Dalek and my commander, however, kept everyone in place.

The group waited at the entrance of the ship, knowing we would be landing soon. The two warriors were almost as eager as I was, though the Science Dalek remained calm and level. I had never worked with a Science Dalek before. They usually spent all of their time in the laboratories, making Daleks and doing a number of things I was not allowed to know. After giving it some thought, I realized that I was not completely certain how our organic forms were made. Then again, the Science Daleks did not like audiences and preferred to keep their business to themselves. It was not truly relevant to me anyway. It was just another thing that I wanted to know.

They suddenly turned towards me, having apparently noticed me staring that them pointlessly. They did not speak to me, but chose to study me instead. I kept my thoughts as empty and normal as possible during those few tense rels until they slowly turned back to the doorway. I should have suspected sooner that a scientist would be more observant than an average soldier or overconfident leader.

We landed before I could develop a proper plan of action.

The doors opened, strong sunlight pouring through.

It all began there.

The choices I made from that point forward would change me forever.


End file.
